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Two Daddies need Help Explaining International Adoption to 5 and 4 year olds

Up until now, we have been successful in explaining to our daughters that all families are different - some have two daddies (like us), some have two mommies, one daddy, a mommy and a daddy, etc. Since starting public kindergarten (the 5 year old) it is becoming apparent that a more in-depth discussion is necessary. We have never even mentioned the word "adoption" to them.

During playtime, the 4 year old refers to our 5 year old as "Mommy" (constantly) and in fact, said the other day she "wants a mommy". I think we have read most of the gay family (kid) books (the Family Book, the Daddy Book, etc.)- but it is time to take the plunge and provide more details to our girls. We also have the issue that they were adopted internationally and have a birth mother somewhere, which we've never discussed. We are thinking of creating a very simple picture book showing them as babies at the facility, our visits, coming home, and explaining that everyone has a birthmother and birthfather without providing too much detail. As they get older and ask questions, we can add to their story. We do have a photo of one of the birth mothers, but not the other. However, I think they are too young at this point to be shown her picture. Does anyone have any suggestions for us? We are terrified that whatever we do is going to come as a huge shock to them and of course warp them forever! Help! Thanks - Steven

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Permalink Reply by Robb Puckett on January 23, 2011 at 3:44pm

Wow...that's a good one. I don't have any specific suggestions, but I do like your idea about the picture book; they will make a great story book. They use similar books like this for foster/adoptive children. You might even include a picture of a world map showing where they were born and where you live now (Texas, USA). Let us know how it goes. I think you will do well.

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Permalink Reply by Steven on January 31, 2012 at 9:44am

Wow, I need to get better about checking this site out! Thanks Robb, the girls are now 5 and 6. The picture books went great and the we have answered the girls questions as they have asked. The 5 year old even told a waitress at Purple Cow that she has a birth mother who lives in "Guacamaka" but she needed to find a family that could give her all the love she needed. The waitress was a bit stunned, but took it in stride. The biggest thing holding us back with the story was our own fear and insecurities.